Reading Red Flags: When Book Recommendations Are Actually Warnings About the Person
Sometimes a book recommendation tells you more about the recommender than the book.
Someone recommends you a book.
You smile. You nod. You add it to your TBR.
And then you realize: this recommendation just told you EVERYTHING about this person.
Not about the book. About THEM.
Because here’s the truth nobody talks about: book recommendations are personality tests in disguise.
The book someone insists you read? That’s not a reading suggestion. That’s a character reveal.
So let’s decode what people are REALLY telling you when they recommend certain books.
Consider this your field guide to reading red flags.
🚩 Minor Red Flags (Proceed With Mild Caution)
“You HAVE to read Ayn Rand”
What They Think They’re Saying: “This book changed my perspective on economics and individualism.”
What They’re Actually Saying: You’re about to get a 45-minute lecture on how taxes are theft and altruism is immoral.
The Reality: They read it in college, it blew their mind, and they haven’t updated their worldview since.
How to Respond: “I’ll add it to my list!” (You will not add it to your list.)
“The Alchemist changed my life”
What They Think They’re Saying: “This is a beautiful story about following your dreams.”
What They’re Actually Saying: I just started my self-discovery journey and you’re about to hear ALL about it.
The Reality: They’re going through something. Be kind. They’ll recommend different books in six months.
How to Respond: “That’s great! What resonated with you?” (Then prepare for a long answer.)
“I only read non-fiction”
What They Think They’re Saying: “I’m serious about learning and personal growth.”
What They’re Actually Saying: I’m going to judge you for reading fiction and imply narrative isn’t “real learning.”
The Reality: They think fiction is frivolous and will tell you so.
How to Respond: “Cool! I love mixing both.” (Assert your reading choices early.)
“You should read more classics”
What They Think They’re Saying: “Classic literature is important for cultural literacy.”
What They’re Actually Saying: Your current reading choices aren’t good enough and I’m going to be condescending about it.
The Reality: They’re a book snob. Your contemporary fiction is perfectly valid.
How to Respond: “I read what I enjoy.” (Boundaries established.)
“This business book will change everything”
What They Think They’re Saying: “I found an actionable framework!”
What They’re Actually Saying: I just finished a productivity book and I’m about to implement 47 new systems that will last three weeks.
The Reality: They’re in their optimization phase. They mean well.
How to Respond: “What’s working for you from it?” (Get the useful parts without reading 300 pages.)
🚩🚩 Medium Red Flags (Tread Carefully)
“Have you read Jordan Peterson?”
What They Think They’re Saying: “This psychologist has interesting insights about meaning and responsibility.”
What They’re Actually Saying: Buckle up for a conversation about hierarchies, and also can I tell you about lobsters?
The Reality: This will either be a fascinating philosophical discussion or an exhausting ideological sermon. No in-between.
How to Respond: “What’s your take on his work?” (Assess before committing.)
“I only read books written before 1950”
What They Think They’re Saying: “I appreciate timeless literature.”
What They’re Actually Saying: Nothing modern is worth my time and I’ll imply you’re shallow for reading contemporary work.
The Reality: Nostalgia has evolved into pretentiousness. Also, they’re missing SO MUCH good writing.
How to Respond: “What draws you to that era specifically?” (Understand the snobbery level.)
“Read Infinite Jest if you want to understand postmodernism”
What They Think They’re Saying: “This is an important work of contemporary literature.”
What They’re Actually Saying: I suffered through this and now you have to, also I’m intellectually superior.
The Reality: They want you to know they finished it. That’s the actual goal here.
How to Respond: “Did you enjoy it or just finish it?” (Watch them scramble.)
“This self-help book solved all my problems”
What They Think They’re Saying: “I found answers!”
What They’re Actually Saying: I’m in the honeymoon phase of this framework and haven’t tested it in real life yet.
The Reality: They’ll have a different “life-changing” book next month. The problems are not solved.
How to Respond: “I’m glad it’s helping! Check in with me in three months?” (Gently ground them in reality.)
🚩🚩🚩 Major Red Flags (Abort Mission)
“I don’t read fiction because it’s not real”
What They Think They’re Saying: “I prefer factual information.”
What They’re Actually Saying: I fundamentally don’t understand how narrative, empathy, or human experience works.
The Reality: They lack imagination and are proud of it.
How to Respond: Honestly? Just nod and change the subject. This isn’t fixable.
Recommends ONLY books by one author (and it’s all they talk about)
What They Think They’re Saying: “I found an author I love!”
What They’re Actually Saying: I have made this author my entire personality and you’re about to hear why everyone else is inferior.
The Reality: Obsession has replaced actual reading diversity. It’s not healthy.
How to Respond: “What did you read before discovering them?” (Try to recall their pre-obsession self.)
“Reading is a waste of time”
What They Think They’re Saying: “I’m practical and action-oriented.”
What They’re Actually Saying: I’m intellectually incurious and kind of proud of it.
The Reality: Why are you even friends with this person?
How to Respond: “Okay!” (End conversation, evaluate friendship.)
✅ Green Flags (These Are Your People)
“I’m not sure if you’ll like it, but...”
They understand different people have different taste. They’re recommending based on YOU, not their ego.
Asks what you’ve been reading instead of telling you what to read
They’re actually interested in your experience, not just promoting their favorites.
Has a “comfort re-read” list
They understand that reading isn’t just about productivity or learning. Sometimes you just want to visit old friends.
Says “I DNF’d this one but you might like it”
They can separate their experience from yours. They don’t take DNFing personally. They’re mature readers.
“Here’s why I loved it, but here’s also why you might not”
Thoughtful recommendations that consider your actual taste? This is how it should be.
Recommends books in multiple genres
They’re well-rounded readers who understand different books serve different purposes.
“I hated this book but I can see why people love it”
They can hold space for different perspectives. Rare. Treasure them.
What Your OWN Recommendation Says About You
Because let’s be honest, we’ve all been red flags at some point.
If you ONLY recommend classics: You might be a snob. Consider contemporary fiction.
If you recommend the SAME book to everyone: You’re not actually listening to what people might enjoy.
If you say “you HAVE to read this”: Ease up on the pressure. Reading isn’t homework.
If you can’t explain WHY you’re recommending it: You might be recommending for clout, not genuine belief in the book.
If you’re offended when someone doesn’t like your recommendation: Your ego is too attached to your reading choices.
If you recommend based on what YOU loved without considering the other person: You’re making it about you, not them.
The Actually Good Recommendation Formula
Want to recommend books WITHOUT being a red flag? Here’s how:
Ask what they’re into first: “What have you enjoyed recently?”
Match THEIR taste, not yours: Recommend based on what they like, not what you think they should like.
Give context: “I loved this because [specific reason]. You might like it if you’re into [specific elements].”
Acknowledge it might not be for them: “It’s not for everyone, but if you like [thing], you’ll probably enjoy this.”
Don’t take it personally if they don’t read it: Their TBR is not a referendum on your friendship.
Follow up only if they bring it up: Don’t badger people about whether they’ve read it yet.
The Real Red Flag? Pushing Books Like They’re Medicine
The people who insist you read something “for your own good” are missing the point.
Reading should be:
Enjoyable
Personal
Self-directed
Free from obligation
The moment someone makes you feel guilty about your reading choices, that’s the red flag.
Not the book. The attitude.
Your Turn
What book recommendation was a red flag about the person?
Or: What’s YOUR red flag recommendation? (Self-awareness is growth!)
What do you recommend that immediately reveals something about your personality?
Drop your reading red flags in the comments. Let’s decode these recommendations together.
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I recommended Less Than Zero to my then-girlfriend and she married me anyway.
We understand some people, especially progressive women, think we are wrong to only read older fiction and to read Peterson or Dineen or CS Lewis.
That is why we do it and why we advertise it about ourselves. We are looking for other men (and a few women) who share our taste. It is also good to remind people that good books are not just what has been printed by today’s publishers.
As far as the quality of today’s fiction, we definitely disagree. I will reread Iris Murdoch or Dostoyevsky another hundred times before picking up the NY Times book of the year of 2025.